Things I Hate About Being Single

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This is real people. Can’t get anymore real than a screenshot. You see that “lol” at the end? It’s taunting me. It’s saying “Hey most likely you WON’T find someone there that night, but come out BY YOURSELF anyways. What do I care? I’m married. I don’t have those issues.”  So here it is my list of why I hate being single:

 

Going to places to be single and mingle and they are full of non-single and anti-mingling people.

Catching the eye of old nasty men. (Mr. Cat Daddy, your great-granddaughter and I went to school together)

Less regular sex

NO sex

Having to carry groceries in, screw in the light bulbs and take the trash out by yourself (I mean I can do it myself but do I really want to?)

You have to get to know people ALL OVER AGAIN (sooo… what do you do on your free time? x3)

The pitiful “aww” you hear when you ride to events solo. (Side eye)

Having to ride solo (oh joy!)

Having the bed to yourself (Cuffing season is upon us, I’ll be cuffing the pillow)

Being lonely because your girlfriends are either knocked up or boo’d up

No one to cook for (maybe only “kitchen and heels” girls will feel this)

Having to sift through the potential weirdos on online dating sites. (I mean since when is asking for my address at first encounter normal? And yes I love “Catfish” but usually fried and dunked in hot sauce.)

Meeting and going on dates with assholes

Married women always think you’re after their men. (I promise I just made a joke- I’m not after your man, would you like to hear the joke too?)

No at-home date nights on the couch with your boo and a glass of wine, just you and 3 glasses of wine. (And my two cats)

Welp, what can I do? I’ll just wait…

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